You are here

The Judgment

By Bhavanjot Kaur

“If we take judging ourselves and others out of our life, we will mostly be living in paradise.”
–Yogi Bhajan

Shawn was in a car accident on August 18, 2010. He was charged with vehicular manslaughter and was sentenced to four years in prison and four years of probation following his incarceration. He was sentenced and taken in on June 30, 2014.

Long before she was diagnosed with cancer, Shawn and I took our then two-year-old daughter, Livinia to see my beloved Kundalini Yoga teacher. I wanted to have Livinia’s numerology chart read and to ultimately initiate her into the yogic tradition, a baptism of sorts, though I’m certain Livinia was the one who initiated me.

My teacher was made aware of Shawn’s accident while we were there, as the heaviness of its impact was in the room with our broken engagement and recent separation. My teacher explained quite eloquently that this experience had cleared his karmic slate of any debt.

To me, this was an inspiring way to look at an accident. We all make bad decisions and make mistakes each day without ever having to actually face a consequence. To acknowledge that his consequence is ultimately his liberation was a breath of fresh air to me. This warmed my heart and fed my soul.

The purpose behind all of our years of suffering the dark and unknown now felt like a path to the light. Her neutrality and ability to elevate us during this time was inspiring to me. We might have easily been a target for careless judgment in another tradition, and this awareness made me feel even more at home with my practice.

On that day, my teacher gave me the gift of admonishing fear, even if only for a moment. It made me realize that our world would be such a better place if we let go of our preconceived notions and our judgments. What if we made it our religion to love and elevate rather than to fear and judge?

For quite some time, I wanted to hide from Shawn’s accident. I wanted to run and I wanted to make it all disappear. I wanted to protect Shawn, Livinia and myself from judgment. I was in fear of being looked down upon by people who would undoubtedly form opinions about our situation without ever knowing the depths that this challenge has brought us to. Yogi Bhajan once said, “If your security lies in God, then everything is normal. If your security lies in people, everything is abnormal.”

I don’t want to live based on other people’s judgments, or my own debilitating self-judgments, for that matter. I want to live in the security of God’s hands. It is softer there and gentle and neutral. I don’t have to run from my God. I can sit with my God on my mat or anywhere and my God will remind me again and again of my heart that is full of love.

My God will fill me with infinite and unconditional love for myself even in my moments of suffering, despair, fear and judgment and in this my God teaches me and shows me how to unconditionally love those who are suffering, despairing, fearing and judging. My God will catch me as I’m falling and elevate me.

No one’s judgment and no one’s fear, my own included, will ever take my God from me and this is a gift and a blessing in and of itself. With the support of the teachings and the security of my God, I have also been given the gift to practice forgiveness for myself and for others in a way that feels authentic and true to my being. Yogi Bhajan once said, “Even if you have everything, if you do not know forgiveness, you have nothing.”

Our daughter, Livinia, started four days of rigorous chemotherapy the day after Shawn began his prison sentence. The clinic that we usually went to was closed permanently so for the first time, Livinia and I were at a new clinic inside of Yale with all new nurses and without her Daddy and my support system, Shawn.

“Challenge doesn’t come to small people. Challenge comes to great people.”
–Yogi Bhajan

With every challenge that we are given, I can look deep in my heart and know that challenge only comes to great people and that we are secured with God.

Bhavanjot Kaur is the owner and founder of Hamsa Healing Arts in Old Saybrook, CT. Bhavanjot is a Kundalini yoga teacher, Reiki Master & Teacher, Craniosacral therapy practitioner and she also offers sound therapy with a 32" gong. Bhavanjot hosts a local women's circle and various workshops on therapeutic grade essential oils, medicinal mushrooms and The Art of Reiki Levels I and II. She is a proud single mother to a beautiful and delightful four- year- old little girl who overcame a rare childhood kidney cancer.

 Re-posted from Bhavanjot’s blog