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My Search for Peace

By Mona Ahmad (Harlal Kaur)   

I was born into a country of war in the South of Lebanon. Not being able to understand all the killings and fighting over power, and being blinded by grief made me search for peace. Being willing to help all and not being able to help myself drove me into depression.

How can a country with so many religions all calling for peace turn into a war zone? Moving to Belgium I found my way home. The place I had searched for all my life was within me.

After years of being lost, in my first Kundalini Yoga class I met me, the real me—not the one looking back in a mirror, judging; the me that was scared to breathe, suffocating, hyperventilating through the slightest fear. I tasted the sacredness of my breath.

This Yoga of Awareness changed my life. It taught me that in every tear, as in every smile, there is a lesson to be learned and it is only by embracing them all that I embrace myself.

Studying the Chakras during my teacher training, I found what the doctors couldn't find all those years coming in and out of hospitals. Not knowing what I had, they took my appendix away; diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease, anorexia, and lactose intolerance; and took my Gallbladder away, with no results. The cause of all my pain and suffering was blocking those energy wheels with my attachments, anger, and grief.

Through my practice I was healed. I share the message of love in my daily life, and from the peace within me I draw the energy needed to face the pain around me.

My prayer is that peace will find its way to all hearts and that the only language spoken will be that of love and compassion. With humbleness and gratitude in my heart to all, I bow while chanting, "God and me, me and God are one."

All my life I searched for you
In all faces, in all languages.
Everywhere around, looking with my eyes open
You were too hard to be found.
The moment I went inside,
Got in touch with the Me in Me,
There you were…Waiting.
All those steps I walked in pain,
All those tears I shed in vain,
Between this hell and that heaven
There you were...Waiting.
What took you so long?
You whispered.
My blindness,
My inability to see through my fears.
My deafness,
My inability to hear through my screams.
How could I believe that after all those nightmares
Would come a reality that feels like a dream?
How could I believe that only in silence
Without any questions asked
Your voice, and all answers, I would hear?
How could I believe that out of chaos
My stability, My truth, My Identity would be born?
Forgive me, my soul
For all the days I ignored your existence,
Worshiped my Ego.
Forgive me, my Body
For all the days I ignored your Hunger
To feed my Greed.
Forgive me my God
For all the days I counted my Existence
By time and space
Not by virtues and Good deeds.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share my story and let others see that the darker the tunnel, the brighter the light.

Mona Ahmad/Harlal Kaur: My mission in life is to uplift others. Years ago I was depressed. Through practicing yoga, Reiki and painting, I started to see a whole new world. I discovered that only by loving my own self can I start to share this love with others. I learned through my experience that there is no good or bad in life, only precious lessons to learn from. Together we can build a better world. Kundalini Yoga is the yoga of awareness and unity. I would love to invite you to try this sacred science for yourselves, for thousands of words can’t replace one heartfelt experience. Lighthouse Yoga Antwerp, Belgium  https://www.facebook.com/lighthouseyoga

KRI Certified Kundalini Yoga Level I & II teacher
Radiant Child Yoga & Child Play certification
Sat Nam Rasayan Healer