By Navraj Kaur/Judith Nappo
Oh what a ride it has been! From 2006 until now I've been on an incredible roller coaster ride. Maybe this has happened to you too. It starts with little things going wrong. Like you're not feeling comfortable in your own skin. You're daydreaming more. Escaping more, you know, with those leisure drugs like sugar, fats, caffeine, wine, a ciggie to calm you down. Everyday you get more and more out of touch with you and those around you. Then BAM it hits. A killer event—your boss calls you on the carpet, someone close to you gets really sick, your mom dies, you have symptoms you can no longer ignore, your partner stays out late every night.
And that's when the real fun begins. You overcompensate, put yourself through the ringer, slave away at whatever the task may be, trying to save your job. You fight and plead to save your marriage. You ignore your own health to help the sick. You beat yourself up for not being there when she passed. Confusion increases. You can hardly hold on. Your world collapses around you. You lose everything that defined you. You are lost and you don't care anymore. You stay in bed, sleeping for days. You forget about the job and your mate, ignore your kids, ignore it all. You die too. Spiritually. There's nothing left but an incredible emptiness.
This is the threshold, this is the door. You come out of your stupor just long enough to see it and you fight with yourself about what it means and what you should do now. But you know. You have to go through it. And you do. And it's dark and it's ugly and you think you are never coming back.
But somehow on the other side of all of this, which seems to last forever, you feel a power coming up from deep within your being. You have a vague remembrance of it. You let it carry you up and out. You let it protect you from the demons as you ascend back. You don't know where it comes from. You don't know what it is.
But you know it is yours—a part of you that has waited all this time for exactly this point to return and help you in your darkest hour. You give in to it. You surrender to its wisdom. You trust its protection. Inch by inch, minute by minute, you and It—your SOUL—put the pieces of your life together, build you up, nourish you, cultivate your awareness, warm your heart, heal your body, renew your spirit.
You discover just enough love for yourself inside of you to go through the transition, starting with you and no one else. In the early morning hours you awaken to be alone and think, concentrate, pray, focus, and be grateful you are still alive and have been given a second chance. You allow yourself to think about who you truly want to be; you visualize, you plan, you dream, you feel how it feels.
You know it's your choice and whatever you do from now on, you do it for you. You love yourself more, and that supports your evolution and you remain strong in the face of the others who couldn't possibly understand because it didn't happen to them. The new you doesn't appear overnight. It takes faith, effort, consistency, discipline, and devotion. But you can take your time—being aware of every thought, bringing yourself back to center, and relishing each wise action that brings you closer to victory.
And day after day you are pulled toward it. You can't ignore it. There is no turning back. You are faced with it. Forgiveness. You know it's the only way. Forgiving yourself. Forgiving them. Forgiving and forgetting who you were and loving who you are becoming. Your heart guides you. You are calm now, you are no longer afraid it won't last. You see things differently. You are different.
You bathe in the light of peace. Finally, you really feel it. You have reached the point where you are truly at peace with yourself. And all is right in your world. It doesn't have to be right anywhere else. You are filled with an inner knowing. Everything will be okay from now on.
Navraj Kaur aka Judith Nappo is passionate about the infinite potential to make the world a better place using the powerful tools of Kundalini Yoga and meditation. Currently she is challenging leaders to live above and beyond what they believe they are capable of. With a long career of business behind her, she took what she learned about leadership and combined it with Kundalini Yoga and meditation to offer a holistic perspective on leading through personal transformation. Originally from Hudson County New Jersey, she tells people she is a New York City girl. She has been living in the eastern part of Switzerland since 1984. www.appliedkundaliniyoga.com