The 3 Minds in Relationship

In our relationships, it is key to understand how our minds operate to avoid unnecessary conflict. When the mind interfaces with life, it generates thoughts that have three different flavors that originate from the negative, positive and neutral minds.

In a nutshell, the positive mind generates thoughts of opportunity—how this or that can help me. The negative mind generates thoughts of protection—how this or that can harm me. The neutral mind listens to both sides and makes the final decision as it is the closest to your Soul. This is how the healed mind works and can be an incredible ally on your journey.

One of the best ways to learn about the positive, negative and neutral minds is through relationship. Typically, one person will represent the positive mind and the other person will represent the negative mind. Trouble comes when you identify with the thoughts of the mind and feel compelled to defend your point of view or convince the other person that you are right.

You can see this played out with money. Typically there is the one who sits on the side of caution—saving for the rainy day. This is the negative mind. Then there is the one who is the spender—money seems to slip through their fingers. This is the positive mind. Often what happens in money arguments is that the couple never gets to the neutral mind.

Here is a typical exchange:

Positive Mind: “I want to go to Level 2 Conscious Communication next month. I feel that I need a spiritual boost. Let's put it on credit and worry about it later.”

Negative Mind: “Our credit is almost maxed out and the interest rate is expensive. We can't afford it and if we miss a payment it will affect our credit rating. You can't go.”

The way to move past this conflict into the space of the neutral mind is to listen to your partner's point of view without attachment to any outcome. To know that this person is only representing the different aspects of your mind and it is YOU, the Soul, that is making the final decision. Often we get stuck in negative mind thinking which can create a lot of fear that silences the positive mind. Also if the conversation is positive mind dominant, there is defensiveness that comes up when the negative mind starts to speak. The positive mind doesn't want the negative mind “raining on its parade.”

However, both sides need to be fully expressed without censorship and only then can the neutral mind come forward. The neutral mind is creative and often comes up with a 3rd option that is neither this nor that. If going to Level 2 is correct for you and part of your destiny path then the neutral mind will come up with a creative solution—something that neither partner has thought of before. So in this case the neutral mind could say, “You don't really need that other car. You never use it. Sell it and you will have the extra money to pay for Level 2.”

If you are not in relationship, make a space for your negative and positive mind to express before taking any action. If you have an important decision to make, look at it from the positive mind perspective and then the negative mind perspective. Walk away, sleep on it and allow the magic of your neutral mind to give you the answer that is perfect for you and your Soul's Destiny.