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Heartbreak to Heart Awake

By Bhavanjot Kaur

"In history, you will find people in love of God tortured in many ways. They smiled, they laughed. Where did their strength come from? It was their love."
-Yogi Bhajan 6/4/92

My eight-year old daughter, Liv, and I were in the car this past May heading to visit with people we consider our family to celebrate Mother's Day. We were driving along and she said, "I am really grateful that you are my Mom." “How sweet,” I thought. I looked at her in the rear view mirror and said animated and jokingly, "Even though I can be a crazy person and I yell and cry sometimes? Haha!"

Without a second thought she said, "Well, that's just because your heart is open Mom."

My eyes filled with tears behind my sunglasses.

“Life without crisis exists in a coffin. It is not that crises are bad. It is only bad when you cannot cross it. So how many of you want life without crisis right now? The problem is, once you go in a coffin you cannot come out of it.”
-Yogi Bhajan 7/21/ 87

I recently had a really painful heartbreak. It felt like I could die, but I didn't. It felt like someone died, but no one did. It felt like I lost part of myself, but I didn’t. I was just facing the crisis of heartbreak and I knew deep down that somehow I would cross it.

Shortly after Mother’s Day, I was sitting with Liv on the couch with her on my lap doing our daily catch up. She is very intuitive and must have sensed I was a little bit off and she looked me in the eyes and asked, "Do you love him, Mommy?"

She sees right through me and I can't hide it from her. I shook my head yes as tears started to form in my eyes. She is very empathetic and I saw that tears then started to form in her eyes too, and she asked, "You miss him, don't you?" and I began nodding my head and said, "Very much," as the tears dripped down my cheeks. She cried with me and wrapped her arms around me and she said, "I'm sorry I did not get to meet him," and I told her that I was too.

These are the moments in life when I realize no matter what is seemingly lost in heartbreak there is still so much love to gain. Love is such a unique magical piece of art. Sometimes we color in the lines and sometimes it's splattered and sometimes it's blurred and shadowed, and other times we are off the paper, out of the lines and messy. I guess that's love. I guess that’s life.

This heartbreak we all seem to endure throughout our lives is what makes our heart awake(n). While knowing this doesn't always lesson the suffering we may feel amidst the fragility of our heart breaking open, it can help to know that somehow it can be serving our higher purpose and perhaps will help us be of some service to others because we understand now what that feels like—we can relate.

"Crossing the crisis is not difficult. The problem is when you are facing the crisis, you should not feel that you are not going to cross it. Crises do come, they shall come, they will fight you, understand? And you will win. The beauty of crises is, they will let you win if you just persist. The only way to win crisis is to go into silence and smile."
-Yogi Bhajan 7/21/87

I have noticed a lot of butterflies on my path lately. It’s as if they are chasing me down to be sure that I see them day after day. Butterflies are a sign of transformation, rebirth and magic. I thought of the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar, which happened to be the first book I ever read to Liv when she was a baby. It seems that each stage of metamorphosis could be seen as a crisis until the butterfly arises, and even then, in that emergence, a new crisis of what is to come begins. 

The thing is, like the journey of a caterpillar to butterfly, we too, are always in some crisis. And while heartbreak may feel like crisis—maybe it is, but maybe it is also our comfortable cocoon cracking open and pushing us up and out so we can metamorphose into our fullest potential and begin that new life that awaits us. And while it may be painful, uncomfortable and we feel vulnerable, eventually we may just let the breeze carry us to where we are meant to go next.

"There is no way out. But as you start winning, you will start enjoying it. In simple English, it is called a state of self-confidence."
-Yogi Bhajan 7/21/87

I was meditating during sadhana one morning recently and I got a clear message that came through to me, which was, "Loving yourself doesn't hurt." I wrote it on my chalkboard at home. I really appreciate the double meaning. So much hurts in crisis, so much hurts in heartbreak, but love—particularly self-love and a deep connection to source love—is what will remind you to smile and laugh again even though you may still be crossing through one crisis after another.

"The re-tempering of life is when you do your sadhana. Sadhana is re-tempering your life every day. But to re-temper your life is a crisis."
-Yogi Bhajan 7/21/87       

I recently came across a meditation called "Meditation to Heal a Broken Heart," which seems like a meditation that can serve us all at some point in our journey. It is a meditation that I intend to practice.

Kundalini Yoga is always like that for me—it's this deep inner knowing that I'm never alone in my crisis because Kundalini Yoga is always there for me every day, reminding me that I don't have to go through anything alone, no matter how big or small. There is always something to turn to when faced with challenge. Practicing yoga and meditation is a powerful act of self-love, reconnecting us to source. We can all use a little more of that amidst whatever crisis we are faced with.

"There is nothing you can get without giving. Balance. You have to make a sacrifice to achieve. Every victory has a price. Every defeat has a pain; therefore, don’t let your ego play an unnecessary role. The best is to accept the Will of God—and the Will of God is what is the best for all, not what is best for you. That is the only difference. What is best for you is best for you. It is not the Will of God; it is your will. If you sacrifice your will to the Divine Will, then you wish good for all and you shall be the best. That is the way to cross the crisis.”
-Yogi Bhajan 7/21/87

Bhavanjot Kaur is the owner and founder of Hamsa Healing Arts located in Centerbrook, CT. Bhavanjot is a Kundalini yoga teacher and Radiant Child Yoga Teacher. Bhavanjot is a Reiki Master practitioner and Teacher, Craniosacral therapy practitioner, Raindrop therapy massage practitioner and she also offers sound therapy with a 32" Paiste Symphonic Gong. Bhavanjot is a consultant for essential oils, medicinal mushrooms and CBD oil. She is mother to a delightful little girl who overcame a rare childhood kidney cancer, which inspires her work with Lucy's Love Bus and the Connecticut Cancer Foundation.