Excerpts from a lecture given on July 4, 1995 at International Women’s Camp in Espanola, New Mexico
When a young woman tells me she has a boyfriend, you will find me going silent. All that energy which that man is going to suck out of her, is for her career, for her growth, for her charm, for her power, for her being herself. She can develop all that energy first and become she, and then marry or not marry.
Do whatever you want to do, but just understand what cost you are going to pay for it. It's painful when you do these things for your emotional satisfaction. For twenty minutes, you suffer for twenty years of your life. It means you subject your growth and your tomorrow and yourself.
Be gracious. A comprehensive woman has to be comprehensively aware of herself. You are not on sale, you are not shoes, you are not a boutique shop, you are not utensils, you are not the May Company—seventy percent off, twenty percent off, fifty percent off. Comprehensively know yourself. Effectively be yourself. You have to satisfy that you are yourself.
Look at the man and his roots. Ask these questions: “Does he have the nervous system, mental system, physical system to afford me in preference to the entire world around?” Number two: “Does he understand mental loyalty?” Never trust in physical loyalty—physical loyalty is a nuisance, a drama, a dodge. Mental loyalty is real loyalty. When a man has mental loyalty to you, he will not hide anything and he will not question you. He will intuitively know where you are at and you will know intuitively where he is at. Number three: “Is he bright, brilliant and brave?”
When I came to the United States my idea was not to teach Kundalini Yoga to have students. My idea was to create teachers. And by teacher I mean one who can teach oneself, be in perfect control of oneself. I didn't give you anything but a face and a grace—identity and divinity. I had a lot of opposition. But one thing I knew: these people need self and self-strength, and happiness is their birthright. That's why I teach openly, so people can practice and grow.
Whenever in your life you are a woman, your own identity must be very dear to you and your own future must be very clear to you, otherwise you can get in trouble. One intercourse, one pregnancy, one baby, till death you are with it.
There is a great beauty in you. If you become sacred, your price will go up. If you want to protect your future, never act cheap. If you want to be free, never control anything, it will drag you to death. And if you want to be loved, then deliver and let your words mean what you say.
Student: Sir, you’ve shared so much with us, what can we do for you?
When I close my eyes I want to see you successful, that's my joy. I want to see you happy, I want to see you competent, I want to see you comprehensive, I want to see you, 'you.'
I don't want you to be under shadows. I don't want you to be yoyos. I don't want you to be self-depriving and depressed and moody and become the victim of emotions and commotions and feelings, and not use your intuition, intelligence and consciousness. I don't want to see sorrow in your life. I want your tomorrow to be bright and happy. That's what I have worked all these years for.
Once in a while I'll say things that you may not like. I feel it's better I say so, than for time to crush you. Sometimes people listen, sometimes they don't.
Is it wrong to be wise? Is it wrong to be powerful? Is it wrong to be perfect? Is it wrong to be comprehensive? Is it wrong to be effective? Is it wrong to be graceful? Is it wrong to be forgiving? Is it wrong to be a leader?
Live like a God and give like an angel and be a bright, beautiful, bountiful human and never come lower than this. That's what you can do for me. I want to hear how great you are.
Gracious God, give us the understanding, energy, purity, piety, and selflessness to be graceful, to be gracious, to be precious, to be gratefully grateful to you, to be bountiful, beautiful and blissful. May our tomorrow be full of understanding and courage. As you have given the body and understanding of being a woman, may we live in that consciousness with intelligence, so that we can guide ourself within ourself and the surroundings. Sat Nam.
© The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan